Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
