My room smells like vodka and shame
It's Friday. Sex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
