If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
