we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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