I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
