Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
