My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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