I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
