you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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