people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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