To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
