So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
