i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
