well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
