I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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