Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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