i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize