i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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