upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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