do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
