I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
