On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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