just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
