i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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