My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
