i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
