fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
