I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I lost the right to judge tonight
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
