then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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