i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
