forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
