He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
birth control should be required to get into college
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
