i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
