Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
