i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
