so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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