cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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