just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
