We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
