Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
