she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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