I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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