hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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