May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize