Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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