I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
