He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
