im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
