youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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