i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
