it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
