If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
